The resultant conversation was right out of left field… for your amusement here it is, names and places edited for the protection of the parties involved.

Random Blond Chick: Hay Bud, I’m looking for a man by the name Josh who works at the Random Bladibla call center in Tbar….is this you? Kisses
Josh: Yes.
Random Blond Chick: This may seem rude but I dnt mean to be. Is your dream guy Scott who works at pascos?
Josh: Dream guy? Are you smoking crack? I’m both straight and happily married with a kid.
Random Blond Chick: Im so sorry, I didnt mean to be rude. Obviously not the right person. thankyou
Josh: Clearly.

I later remembered that I’m not the only Josh in the call center. Coincidentally the other, if I recall correctly is gay. Sigh… next time I will say possibly…perhaps…or even maybe. Would have been a safer option.

Now, while I no problems whatsoever with my mother-in-law, there are a few others that would fit this statement rather well.

Note to self: Store one-liner for future use.

… I just love The Simpsons.

Returning to the present, it’s now 2005. What’s that, 30 odd years later? You’d think that 30+ years is enough time for word to spread through the grapevine and reach these lads, at least for the purposes of enlightening them on the error of their ways. Surely when their father’s sat them down to tell them about the birds and the bees they wouldn’t have forgotten to mention this vital piece of information? Apparently not.

While sitting outside woolworths on a bench, pondering these and other world altering issues, it finally dawned on me. They know! What you say? Surely someone who was aware of how bloody aweful giant afros are wouldn’t be so masacistic as to actually grow one? Well surprisingly not. The way I figure it, there is a very good reason to grow an afro. This very reason became exceedingly apparent when I looked past the afro, and saw the faces on the heads supporting these crimes against humanity.

Yep, that’s right. The very reason a person could legitimately grow an afro is to detract from the unfortunately ugly face passed down to them by their parents. I’m not trying to go out of my way to be mean here, though I can honestly say that I did not see one good looking guy out of the dozen odd guys I saw carrying afros.

All this leads me to believe that there is a conspiracy happening right underneath our noses. A conspiracy so heinous that it will shock you right to your very core. Terrible looking guys are exploiting afros to con innocent young girls into believing they are merely funny looking, rather than ugly. I know, I know. It’s just aweful! How deceptive and sly these young lads are, yet at the same time they show their intelligence.

How brilliant is it? Fool a girl into believing that you are merely funny looking, not ugly, and then all you have to do is work the jokester angle and you force them into falling for your personality, rather than your looks. Perhaps I’ve finally worked out why you see so many good looking girls with hideously ugly guys. These guys must have once had afros. Yep, I’ve got them all figured out now! How ingenious! I have to hand it to them.

Whilst working through these thought processes to reach this startling revelation, I’ve almost done a complete 360. While I still despise afros, I now think that perhaps this conspiracy has been started for the purposes of good, rather than evil. Think about it, if these blokes are teaching others that what’s on the inside is more important than how abominable they look, they may infact be doing society a favour. Teaching the world not to judge a book by it’s cover is a lesson we all need to learn, and it may well lead to a better world for future generations.

So, the next time you see an disturbingly ugly bloke sporting an afro, walk up to him, grab his hand, and shake it furiously while thanking them from the bottom of your heart for doing their bit for society

On the customer front though it’s not too bad! Roughly 50 precent of the calls so far this morning have been prank calls from kids at pay phones. One thing though is that it’s very rare that you actually get a kid that has anything really funny to say. You do get the occasional directory request for names such as “Ben Dover”, “Penny Tration”, “Incontentia Buttocks” and the like, and while I’m sure the young at heart are probably chuckling, hearing these same attempts over and over for the past two years has really taken the the shine off their humorous impact.

Then there’s those who confuse obscenity with humor. Most of these types of calls are made by giggly 9 year old girls who think it’s funny repeating the word “testicle”. You also have in this category 14-16 year old boys (Because us guys generally take longer to mature ) who mistakenly think they achieve something by screaming, “Fagot!”, into the phone and subsequently hanging up ……….boring :confused: Every now and again though you come across a kid with real promise, though usually they lack the material to really make their effort worthwhile. You can usually tell even before they get a chance to say anything as you can hear them conferring with friends in the background as to which line would be the best to deploy. To save them the time and embarrassment I usually advise them to go away with their friends and really think about what they are gonna say during their prank and then call back, because after all delivery is everything. Sometimes this advice pays off too and you get a really good prank call come through that leaves you in stitches.

For instance, just before this group of kids were prank calling from the Gold Coast. They were doing really badly at first, but after some coaching (and the phone being passed around between 3 or 4 different kids) this one boy came out with, “You’re momma’s so dirty she has to sneak up on bath water”. Now, I’m not usually one for “Your momma” jokes, but this kid had it down pat. No hesitation, no mistakes, he was just out with it. A simply flawless delivery. Now this is what I like to see in a prank call. You’d think that operators would be opposed to prank calls, but I’ve seen the light. Not only do they help my call stats, but they are also a humorous change to the not so pleasant “serious” customers.

So anyway, here’s what I think would be interesting. Think back to your formative years and jot down any choice prank calls you and your friends did in the past. Leave nothing out, whether they be memories of woeful attempts or flawless efforts. Better yet, some examples of prank calls that you’ve been the victim of would be awesome as well. Let’s see what funny stuff we can dig up.

Wouldn’t it suck to work for a company like this? Tehehe …. um … yeah. **innocent looks**